Electron plus Proton equals Attraction
by degrassi
Summary: Marco and Craig chapter fiction. UPDATED! CHAPTER 11 UP! MAY 24TH! Back, people. (RR)
1. look at my notes, i'm all mixed up

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Electron + Proton = Attraction

Author: degrassi

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Type: Slash. M/M.

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Pairing: Marco Del Rossi/Craig Manning.

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Rating: PG-13.

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Genre: Angst/Romance/Drama.  
**Characters**: Are in tenth grade. Emma & Co. a year behind. 

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Plot: Craig has had a rough past. After a childhood bruise re-kindles within Craig, he panics and runs to the nearest person possible. His companion; Marco. After Marco lets Craig stay with him a few days, and things are back to normal at home -- Craig begins to feel & act strangely. The two are hiding more then they bargained for from each other. 

Prologue - Chemistry Notes

Craig's POV

[_How much interaction & understanding of a certain person is required to raise the confusion of Craig Manning from 'just a friendship' to a possible 'something beyond friendship'?_]

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[Scribble]

How do you know what an attraction is? People should wear warning labels. At least that's what -I- think. If -he- just wore one, I wouldn't be in this mess. I could blame him for this, but I can't. These are my thoughts, my fears, and my concerns. How do you know if you're attracted to somebody of the same gender? How do you know if you're attracted to a goody-goody? The nagging voice in the back of your head that reminds you that taking a hazardous risk is bad for you? It was just something that came out of the blue. Something, that caused my stomach to turn, and my thoughts to focus on things that I never thought existed.

However.. I'm not drawn to any other boys, except for him. I haven't been seriously into a girl since I rejected Manny. It wasn't because I didn't like her… it was just something different. I've been indifferent to them, girls I mean, and that scares me. Especially when I'm starting to see one of my friends in a different light. Could I possible be bisexual? No, no, no! Of course not. I do not like boys! This is just some stupid phase! 

I refuse to acknowledge the tingling sensation he provokes throughout my senses when he laughs. When I see him smile, I want to capture the moment, freeze it in time with a simple black and white photograph. Then I find myself daydreaming about what would happen if I did take his picture. I'd stare at it, and curse at it. Marco Del Rossi is my friend. Just my locker partner. Just my Chemistry partner. (At least during lab days). Just the voice of reason behind us all.

. .I'm supposed to be doing my class work, not focus on him. I see him, though. He's sitting towards the front, with his head bowed. His finger is tracing something in the Chemistry review book. I have a good view of the left side of his profile. His features look thoughtful. 

...I don't know, maybe I'm just curious. 

[_I was just guessing, numbers and figures. ._

q = (10.35g)(0.8561K/gk)(321-56.4C)

__

Pulling your puzzles apart. Questions of science. Science and progress. Do not speak as loud as my heart.]

Why couldn't I feel this way towards Emma? Ashley? Manny? Even Paige? A girl. Not a boy. It just causes so much more drama. Society says they accept it, but the instant you turn your back -- they wrinkle their noses in disgust, and kick you right in the rear end. You know who your real friends are, though. The pro side to this all, is your real friends will stick by you no matter what you're feeling. The type that will talk with you, after you tell them you think you're bisexual.

[_Chain reaction. A Chemical or nuclear reaction in which one step supplies energy or reactants for the next step._

Bond energy. The energy needed to break a chemical bond.]

"Pardon me, Mister Manning?" A soft voice, thick with amusement cut into my thoughts. Defensively, I shut my notebook, placing my pen down and looked up into the eyes of Ms. Hotzilakos. I perked my brows, trying to pretend I was focused on the lesson, rather then trying to sort out my perplexity.

"Yes, Ms. Hotzilakos?" I replied calmly.

"Can you kindly give me the formula for _Heat of Vaporization_?"

I perk an eyebrow, and tilt my head, passing off a smirk, honey-slow. Trying to play it cool. It had to be part of the problem that I had scribbled down earlier, right? I swallowed, shaking the dark hair out of my eyes. I feel the eyes of my classmates resting on me, still I say nothing. Better to face the music, then to make a complete idiot out of yourself. I look down at my desk, entwining my pen within my fingers.

"I suggest you begin to pay attention, Mr. Manning." 

She tapped her pen against her desk, flicking a loose strand of blonde out of her face.

I sighed, just wanting this class to be over.

I suppose I should explain what happened. What brought me to this point..

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[/Scribble]


	2. some wounds won't heal

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Electron + Proton = Attraction

Author: degrassi

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Type: Slash. M/M.

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Pairing: Marco Del Rossi/Craig Manning.

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Rating: PG-13.

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Genre: Angst/Romance/Drama.  
**Characters**: Are in tenth grade. Emma & Co. a year behind. 

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Chapter: I dig a little deeper. Into Craig's childhood, and how it still affects him, even today. Why did Craig's mother leave, anyway? Why did she re-marry?

I. Some wounds don't heal

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[Flashback]

Mrs. Manning had never been one to raise her voice let alone yell furiously. She was the woman of her household, and she knew it. A spicy thick-haired redhead, with almond shaped hazel-green eyes, hailing from the United states of America. A distinct, pretty woman with a core made out of velvety steel. Little Craig Manning admired his mother, and when he thought of her, he thought of strawberries, and the feel of her baby-soft and caressing his cheek before he was tucked into bed. Often once or twice, she'd sing to him, saying it was a way to keep away all bad dreams. 

Five year old Craig Manning had just been put to sleep, his mother singing him a church hymn just a short time before. Curled up in off-white sheets, the young child abruptly awoke to the sound of a door being slammed. Craig's eyes snapped wild open, and he sat up, listening to footsteps across the second floor.

"I'm tired of this! You're always so jealous!" He heard his mother short.

"That's because your eye is always wondering!" His father roared back at her.

The tiny child carefully removed himself from his bed, tip-toeing over to the door, just so he could listen. Even at this age, he knew that if his mother was yelling, his father had to do something to really provoke it. His father had always been a different case. Prone to anger very quickly. A short fuse that could sometimes prove to be dangerous.

"This isn't working out.." She continued, her voice dropping with her patience.

"What do you mean it's not working out?" His tone was all the more intense.

"We have a family! I treat you well! So you want to give that all up?"

Craig reached up, and quietly cracked open his door, wide, hazel-green eyes peering out into the hallway, spying his parents shadows. He watched his father grab his mother's arm, in a furious attempt to make peace. This hadn't been the first time they had argued. It always made Craig frown in displeasure, for he hated yelling and fighting amid his household. At school, while everyone talked about how loving their parents were, Craig only spoke of his mother. The true light in his life. Not his father.

"I'm taking Craig with me, if I leave." She continued firmly.

  
"You'll do no such thing. He is my son, as well."

"And I'm not letting him stay in this household with you--" She cut off, Mr. Manning shoving the delicate woman into the wall of the hallway. Craig slinked back, growing a bit more frightened. He had a clear view of her now, and could tell by her profile that she too, was alarmed. Craig sat down on the floor, briefly looking around his dim room, before back out in the hallway, where his father stood proudly, majestically, towering over his mother. He wasn't about to have his father torn apart, that was for sure.

"We're not going to become some broken home!"

His mother brave heartedly inhaled. "I don't love you anymore!"

There was a pause. 

A thickness in the atmosphere that made the small child want to whimper. However, he was wise enough not to. Small hands clasped to his mouth, and all he could do was helplessly watch as his father, trembling with an unspeakable rage, raised his hand and struck his mother clear across her unflawed face. She stumbled from the force, and fell off to the right side, against her knees. Instantly a hand flew to her newly bruised cheek, a look of horror painted across her features.

"Look I'm s--" She cut him off with her free hand.

"I'm leaving.." She echoed through her teeth. "I'm leaving and that's all there is to it! I'm tired of us constantly fighting, you never taking me out anymore. When we do go out, it never seems like we're a couple, anyway. You're always so busy with your job. Sometimes I think it means more to you then I do, and Craig! I'm _leaving_!" She slowly rose to her feet, that stare of a young, courageous woman glaring up at the taller, and much stronger man she called her husband. "There's nothing you can do anymore."

She swiftly turned on her heel, and begun to head towards the staircase, only to have him trail behind her. He grabbed at her left arm, trying to reason with her once more. 

"There is nothing left, here! Get off! I'm leaving you!"

They disappeared out of sight, but still Craig could hear his mother's yells, and his father's even louder yells. He shut his door, and crawled back into bed, pulling the sheets over his head, and trying to get back to sleep. 

His mother did keep her promise. She walked out on him that very night, staying with a nearby neighbor. Where the next day she came by to pick up her belongings. She had knelt down beside him, and explained that everything will be alright. She'd come back and get him really soon. She left little Craig with a soft hug, and a kiss to his forehead, before turning and walking out the door forever, wearing a dress of red that matched the deep hue of her hair.

That was the last night Craig had ever knew complete and total happiness.

Since that day, his father seemed to shut himself out of the world completely. Working around the clock, and keeping his little son busy by keeping him upstairs in his room. Not one play date did he ever attend. He was too busy being watched over by a nanny, while his father ran off to and fro. At times, as Craig grew older, his father did blame his mother's walking out on them, on him. Still in a childish mentality, he would believe every word he said. That's why he got hit. Because he made his mother go away. 

Then, to keep him quiet, he'd always tell him how sorry he was for hurting him. Take him out for ice cream, or lavish him with gifts. It was the some pattern. The same repetition for years. 

She never did come back. 

She tried, though. She remarried to a fellow named Joey Jeremiah. Craig had seen him a few times. With him, she begun to battle for rights to her young son, but Mr. Manning wasn't planning to give the young boy up. Already pregnant with her second child shortly after marriage, the battling of the courts had to wait for a while, due to the stress of pregnancy.

She never did come back.

She gave birth to a daughter, Angela Jeremiah. It was a difficult labor, one that took it's toll on her body. The once, vivid redhead fragile, and weak. She stayed in the hospital shortly after birth, where she died in the arms of her second husband. Angela would grow up, never knowing her mother, but having pictures of her, to remind her that she had been there. She'd always have a loving father to keep the memories alive. Joey even told little Angela that she had a half-brother, named Craig. When she got older, she'd be able to play with him. 

Craig knew about Angela, through the bitter mouth of his father. Whom had pushed him down a flight of stairs, and then promptly followed down them with his hand raised to his only son.

"You are NEVER to see that girl. Or that man. I forbid it!"

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[/Flashback]

The words rung like daggers in his mind. Fifteen year old Craig Manning jolted awake in the darkness of his room, to a door in the distance of the Jeremiah household, slamming.


	3. pain is just too real

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Electron + Proton = Attraction

Author: degrassi

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Type: Slash. M/M.

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Pairing: Marco Del Rossi/Craig Manning.

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Rating: PG-13.

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Genre: Angst/Romance/Drama.  
**Characters**: Are in tenth grade. Emma & Co. a year behind. 

****

Chapter: The past returns to a scarred teenage soul. Action is taken. After all, Craig is always taking action, isn't he?

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II. Pain is just too real

He had met her once. Then twice. Then a third time, and was drawn to her like a stray child to a police officer, who was there to take you home. Craig usually wasn't concerned with the lot of his step-father's girlfriends, however, this one, as their relationship gradually became more serious -- Craig warmed up to. She reminded him a lot of his mother. The faint, memories which the teenager could detect, anyway. Her aura was peaceful, her manner, refined. Most of all, she never yelled. She always seemed to be smiling. Her and Joey had met when their carts bumped into each other at the market. Pretty romantic, no? As the summer went by, it became a ritual at the Jeremiah household, to have her over to stay every weekend.

Her name? Lily Downing.

Hair the color of auburn, and eyes a deep and dark hazel.

'Her Lily' as Angela referred to, would bake cookies for the children of the house, and tell stories about herself and Joey. Craig liked her, because she always gave thorough opinions of the photos he shot. He'd show her pictures of sunsets, landscapes, kids on bikes, and numerous pictures of Angela and Joey. Only to get a reaction on all of them. Lily also provided Craig with tips that would increase the detail of his picture. 

It was like a dream come true. The happiness Craig had always longed for.

That's why, her voice, when it was raised like that, startled the teenager out of his wits that night. He had stopped moving completely, hands tightly gripping the off-white fabric of his bedspread. A cold dew blanketed his temples, and hazel-green eyes wildly focused on the dimness of his room. The only light, was the full moon piercing through the lone, wide window. 

"Joey! Please be reasonable!" He heard Lily sigh from the stairwell, downstairs.

"I am being reasonable, Lil." Joey retorted, trying to keep his voice down.

It wasn't working too well, though. Since Craig's senses were instantly triggered by the slightest bit of yelling in the house. His house. His NEW life. 

"Not at the moment! You've been complaining to me ever since we got home! That I have some sort of wandering eye. How could you think that about me?" Lily's natural softness was still apparent in her voice, even if it was raised. He gave a small shiver as he heard her heavy-set footsteps storm across the downstairs hallway. 

"Lily! Look, I'm sorry, but we--"

"You're just being paranoid, Joey!" She retorted before he could continue, her tone louder, and sharper then previously.

"This is not going to turn sour!" She continued.

"How do you know?"

"Because I won't LET it!"

Craig blinked his eyes, wiping the sleep away from them with his hand. He carefully untangled himself out of his bed sheets and stood up. Tip-toeing towards his dresser, with an arm extended. He was acting as if the slightest sound would signal to the couple downstairs that he was awake. There was a fleeting stare directed towards his alarm clock, which blared: _12:12 AM_. He bit his lip, and picked up his cell phone, which lay next to spare lens caps. Joey had told him never to use his mobile phone unless it was a real emergency. This was a state of emergency in his mind.

He had to get out of here. When people started to raise their voices, things could get out of hand. He didn't feel fifteen. He felt five again. He felt that those were his parents downstairs, arguing. The hair on the back of his neck begun to stand on end, and the phone nearly fell out of his hand. Shaking his head, he inhaled deeply. Whose place could be stay at tonight? In the middle of the night? Who'd let him?

Spinner? No, Spinner was out of town for the remainder of the year with his family.

Sean? No, he had enough to figure out, and worry about.

There was always… Marco.

Marco.

The voice of reason behind them. The one that did everything by the book, never fell out of place, never let his style falter. One who walked, talked, and just screamed 'perfectionist'. 

A brief raise of a voice from downstairs reminded him that he needed to stop thinking so hard and just act. He needed a place, and Marco, was the only one that seemed free in his mind right now. He could handle the teen. He really could. Sloppily, he dialed the number to the Del Rossi household, and slid down his dresser with his finger in his free ear.

- - - - - - - - -

The telephone gave a piercing ring that jolted Marco Del Rossi out of a dreamless slumber. He rolled over onto his left side, dark eyes half-hooded. Still cloudy with grogginess, he squinted at his clock, barely making out that it was some time after the midnight hour. He gave a faint moan of protest, praying it was a wrong number, before it sharply rung again. Grimly, a hand reluctantly reached out from the comfort of his bed sheets to pick up the phone. Happy that he had the cordless in his room, he pressed it to his ear, hearing a silence on the other line. He raised a brow.

"Hello?" He remarked sleepily.

"Marco?" Came the voice of Craig Manning on the other end. Marco sat up at hearing his voice, pressing his free hand to the side of his temple.

"Craig. Do you know what time it is?"

"Yeah, man, look I'm sorry, but--" He paused, and the boy listened just a little more closely, since Craig sounded unusually nervous.

Marco cleared his throat. "Are you all right? You're not in trouble again are you?"

"No, I'm not.. In any trouble that's going to get me thrown in jail, but I was wondering if you could do me a huge favor." 

A favor? What type of favor did Craig have in mind? He still felt skeptical. After their last joy ride, that was. He knew how Craig wouldn't think sometimes. Marco stumbled out of bed, nearly snaring his ankle on his sheets. Adjusting his sweatpants, he ran a hand through his hair.

"Depends. What's up?" Marco's tone never slipped from calm.

"I.. I need a place to crash for the night. Could I stay over there?"

  
"Craig, why would you be 'crashing' at MY place?"

  
"Look. I'll explain when I come over. So can I come over?"

Marco looked over towards his closed bedroom door, before sighing into the phone. "Yes, come on over. The porch light will be on. I'll be outside, waiting for you--Craig, really are you--"

"I'll be there in a few minutes." Craig stated hastily, hanging up.

Quietly hanging up the phone after listening to the dial tone, he stretched his arms over his head -- and escaped into the vacant hallway of the second floor. He paused, happy to hear that either his little sister, nor parents had woken up when the phone rang. With the grace of a feline, stalking in shadows, he departed downstairs -- towards the front door to wait for his companion to show up.

He was always running, that Craig.

He never slowed down and allowed anyone to offer him advice.

Marco bit his bottom lip, wondering what exactly was up. He was going to find that out.

That was for sure. You just did not show up at a friend's house, after midnight.


	4. time cannot erase

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Electron + Proton = Attraction

Author: degrassi

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Type: Slash. M/M.

****

Pairing: Marco Del Rossi/Craig Manning.

****

Rating: PG-13.

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Genre: Angst/Romance/Drama.  
**Characters**: Are in tenth grade. Emma & Co. a year behind. 

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Chapter: Run, run, as fast as you can. Escape, escape, to a cup of comfort.

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III. Time cannot erase.

Sneaking out of the Jeremiah household wasn't as easy as one would predict. They were still arguing with each other, on the first floor. Therefore, all questions of using the front door were out. He could sneak out of his window, but then he didn't feel like breaking his legs. He was on the second floor, but he didn't have anything to climb down if he did use the window. Head beginning to throb with a headache that was painfully between his eyes, he crept into the hallway, aiming to use the back staircase and disappear out the back door. It would he less of a hassle. 

A small backpack was the only thing he took with him. It contained his cell phone, as well as a spare change of clothing for the morning. Craig, of course, hadn't been too concerned with the clothing. He would've ran out of there as he was. 

He worked his way down the dim hallway, briefly wondering if he should check on Angela. Yet as he crept past her bedroom, and hear nothing behind it, he was sure that she was still asleep. Letting out a tense sigh, he let himself slip silently onto the back staircase. He moved slowly, working with the shadows the small hall light illuminated to keep him from tripping over a stair. Finally on the ground landing of the home, he gave a quick, stare towards the closed door leading into the kitchen, which lead out into the living room. Shaking his head, and unlocking the back door, he pushed it open, also hurrying to unlock the screen door. 

Safely stepping into the backyard, Craig's hand flew to the handle of the screen door before it smacked loudly against the closed back door. Easing it shut, the boy, out of habit, hiked the collar of his shirt up. Turning and slumping down slightly, he made his way out of the backyard, through the gate, and onto Degrassi street. At first, he walked, enjoying the familiar taste of freedom. After all, it was something Craig constantly longed for. Another thing he admired, was the stillness of the block. It lulled his mind into a sense of security. 

He crossed at the intersection in silence, heading up the block without a thought. Snapping his head up, and peering up the block which was only faintly lit by street lights, Craig begun to run. Not full on sprite, more like a jog. Passing house after house with only one in mind. Sharply turning at the corner, Craig skidded his hand against the brick foundation of another small home he past, hazel-green eyes dazzled slightly by the glare of a single bright light once he looked up. 

A porch light.

Now, Craig originally did know where Marco's house was. However, not tonight. Little things like this, fled from his mind the minute he woke up. It was surprising, even to him that he had even remembered the other boy's phone number. Fingers had just dialed.

Walking towards the similar-looking brick house, Craig's hand reached out and grabbed a hold of the top of the front gate, unlocking it and pushing it open. He heard the faint shifting of a body, and peered up at a tired looking Marco Del Rossi, sitting with one leg hoisted up on a small porch swing. The thing Craig liked about the Del Rossi residence, was their porch. Closing the gate behind him, and heading up the front steps, he heaved a sigh, settling down on the top and final step with his hands in his lap. Craig looked like somebody that had just walked half way across the world. In truth, he did wander down memory lane, a very unpleasant memory lane. 

"Hey." He said, sweeping his hand through his hair.

Marco leaned forward, letting his leg escape from under his body. He crossed his ankles, and pressed his palms against his knees, with a tilt of his head. "Hey." He said, sitting still for a moment, before he hoisted himself to his feet. He settled across from Craig leaning against the railing. 

"Care to explain to me what you're doing here?"

"They were arguing again." He pressed his hands against his temples, massaging them lightly. He pretended to sound bored, and tired.

The boy raised a thin brow, dark eyes slightly narrowed at his troublesome companion. "..That's why you snuck out of your house?"

Craig snapped his head up, looking slightly offended. He didn't say anything for a few moments, just let a comforting night breeze caress his cheek.

"Not exactly." He finally retorted, sounding soft.

"So Joey and Lily were arguing. You could've always turned on a fan to drown them out, or listen to your CD player. Something to help you get back to--" Marco was cut off by the look he received from Craig, who looked like a child being struck to the face. 

"My mother and father used to argue like that at times. I should know. I used to have to sit and watch." Marco was quiet, as Craig went into farther detail. "At times, my father would get so out of hand… he'd raise his hand to her." He sounded like just forming the words was highly difficult. Which it was. "I just… I just don't like to see fighting in the household I'm in. It makes me really nervous, and I tend to panic." A small snigger escaped his lips. 

Calmly, Marco raised his hands, running them through his own bed head. They fell back to his sides. "So it triggered a lot of bad memories for you." It wasn't a question per say. More like a gentle statement. 

Craig begun to nod, looking down at his hands. "Yeah, yeah it did." The awkwardness was setting in again, and a comfortable silence past between the two teenagers as they sat there. His past wasn't something one brought up in conversations. The one who was not completely in the dark, was Sean Cameron. Also Emma Nelson had a good idea what had went on. That was it, though. They didn't know his childhood. Marco didn't know his childhood, OR his father. Nobody mentioned it. It wasn't something to mention. He didn't feel like telling him. When he knew the grade ten perfectionist knew that was barely a scrape at the surface. 

In silent understanding, Marco reached out, and placed a comforting hand against the other boy's shoulder.

"Hey.." He began, twice as quietly.

Craig looked up from his hands, raising a brow.

"Come on inside. I'll make you a glass of hot chocolate."


	5. surpressed by childish fears

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Electron + Proton = Attraction

Author: degrassi

****

Type: Slash. M/M.

****

Pairing: Marco Del Rossi/Craig Manning.

****

Rating: PG-13.

****

Genre: Angst/Romance/Drama.  
**Characters**: Are in tenth grade. Emma & Co. a year behind. 

****

Chapter: Maybe you need help. Let's review the friendship code.

IV. Suppressed by childish fears.

The kitchen was homely, comforting, a calm mix of light and dark. Craig awkwardly sat on a wooden stool, with his hands folded on the marble counter. Haunting eyes timidly watched the back of Marco's head, the teenager bustling about the stove, working as placidly as he could. After all, on the second floor lay sleeping were his parents, and two younger siblings. The plan was, that when they spotted Craig here in the morning, he had shown up earlier requesting reading material information for the coming school year.

"Here."

A sudden mug of warm hot chocolate was suddenly placed in front of the dazing boy. He jolted, and nodded his head in thanks, bringing the rim of the mug to his lips and taking a small sip. Feeling more and more relaxed, with every minute that past. Oddly, Marco's distinct comforting aura could easily relax him, when h gave it a chance. Marco then went to pull up a stool beside him, sighed with relief, and begun nursing his own mug. He was drinking warm milk, instead of chocolate. There was another silence, and as Craig once again raised his mug, there was a slight tremble to his hand that was becoming violent. It forced him to put the cup down. 

"Are you okay, Craig?" The other teen boy asked, that dark glance had indeed noticed the tremble.

"Yeah, I'm alright. I guess I'm still a little shook up."

Marco looked at him thoughtfully. "Is your step-father one to argue a lot?"

The other instantly shook his head. "Of course not. Joey's amazingly cool. We're more of best buds, then him being the parental figure, and me the step-son." He paused to take another sip, slowly, and carefully. "So it was pretty bad to hear him yell. He reminded me of my father for one split moment, and that scared the hell out of me." He slumped down and pushed the half-empty mug away from him, resting his chin on his folded arms. Leaving the quiet Marco to study him with a stare.

"You've been through a lot, haven't you?" 

Craig raised his eyes, but did not look at him. "You could say that."

"Have you ever thought of speaking to somebody, perhaps, a Professional?"

He shot up at that, raising a hand nervously to his temple. The whole sudden action caused Marco to jump slightly in surprise. 

"No, I felt I really don't need Professional help." He retorted, his tone on the icy side, as if offended that Marco would even suggest something like that. He had made it this far without seeking help, and Craig figured that the memories would fade away with time. Little did he know that they would always lurk in his conscious. The prime example was the whole chaotic scene tonight, and why exactly he was even at the Del Rossi residence. 

"Sorry. Forget I even suggested such a thing." Said Marco, with a frown.

"It's alright. I just don't want you thinking that I'm some sort of head case."

He rose from his stool, sweeping back over to the stove to wash out the small pot he had used to boil milk. "I don't think you're a head case at all. I just think it would help you if you talked to somebody, because I have a feeling that your parents arguing with each other, is just the beginning of your troubles." He ran his hands under the faucet for a moment, before turning it off and wiping down the pot with a dish rag he had handy. 

"I wouldn't feel comfortable, talking to a complete stranger." He muttered as Marco swept by to collect the pair of mugs, dumping them in the sink, and proceeding to wash out the both of them, thoroughly.

"So talk to somebody you feel comfortable with. Sit down and just discuss everything that's going on inside of you. It'll help." He was staring intently at one of the mugs, wiping it down with the dishrag. _You should practice what you preach, Marco, _whispered the little voice in his head.

"Oh right, right. Sit down one of my friends and explain ever---" Marco cut him, by throwing the dishrag at him.

"What about Joey?"

Flustered, the boy pulled the rag off of his head. "No, thinks are going too well. I don't want to dig up the past on him."

"Sean?"

"He has enough on his plate." He threw the dishrag back at Marco, who caught it, instead of allowing it to hit his face. 

"Me?"

"You're going to sit down and listen to me? I'm surprised you aren't scolding me right now."

Marco rolled his eyes. "I have a good mind to, sneaking out of the house, calling me at such a late hour---" He quickly silenced at the growing gaze of irritation drenching Craig's features. "--I mean, of course I'd listen."

"_IF _I want to talk to somebody, that is."

"I'll be here, and offer any advice I can. After all, that is part of the friendship code."

Craig smiled with appease. "Yeah … It is. Thanks, Marco. Now where am I going to sleep?"

The other boy turned to face him, his palms pressed against his hips. "On the floor of the porch."

Perplexity washed over Craig's pale features. "--I don't have a problem crashing on the floor, but on the porch?"

There was a twinkle in a pair of dark eyes. "I was kidding. You'll be staying in my room."

"Wow! You're actually going to let me walk on your carpet, without flailing that I might track in dirt?"

The dishrag came flying at his head again, and knowingly, Craig swiftly ducked. 


	6. home is where the heart is

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Electron + Proton = Attraction

Author: degrassi

****

Type: Slash. M/M.

****

Pairing: Marco Del Rossi/Craig Manning.

****

Rating: PG-13.

****

Genre: Angst/Romance/Drama.  
**Characters**: Are in tenth grade. Emma & Co. a year behind. 

****

Chapter: Hush, hush. Nobody to get you here. This is a real family. (More about MY take on Marco's family. ENJOY!) More things to make you smile, and giggle at in this chapter.

****

V. Home is where the heart is.

Even his room made Craig feel like he was in a classroom. Books, and notebooks, posters, and everything digital. Every novel. Magazine & book on his bookshelf was stacked in alphabetical order, by author's last name. Not one piece of paper littered his desk. Only a small laptop, which was covered, well protected from any discarded dust. A pencil case, and two notebooks. The carpet, blue in hue, vacuumed, and reminding the boy of something he'd see in a display window. Peering over to the single bed which was pushed up against the wall, parallel from his desk, he shuddered at seeing a bed spread tucked so sleek, and neat. He could never do that. He shrugged, and tossed his small backpack onto the bed, throwing himself on top of it, musing the bedspread and sheets. It was enough to make Marco's left eye twitch.

"I like the room. I didn't picture me half choking to death on such cleanliness." Craig said with a chuckle.

Marco gave a snort, saying nothing about the damage he had done to his made bed. "Thanks, I think. Now I have a pull out mattress. That'll be yours for the night." He said hastily, a bit irritated by the previous comment. He sauntered over, and pulled up the bottom of the bedspread. Deciding to make up for his comment, he held up the blanket, while Marco worked the small mattress out of its hiding place. Even if it hadn't been used since he had roomed with his cousin, it looked as clean and neat as his bed did. Giving the mattress a firm pat with his hand, Marco stood upright, waving a hand at the teenager still propped on his bed.

"Off, off. I should kick your behind for wearing your _shoes_ on my bed."

A rare, true smirk across his lips, Craig slid off his bed, onto the spare pull out mattress with his palms pressed to either side of him. There was nothing to change into, since he had escaped his household in what he usually slept in. A white t-shirt, and a pair of night plaid pants. Instead, he leaned over to untie and remove his black boots. Despite him being a friend, Marco was somebody Craig enjoyed teasing, or annoying.

The other was off the bed again, plopping his bag on the floor, and climbing over the sitting Craig to stumble over to his closet. The grogginess beginning to come into play again, due to the growing lateness of the hour. Disappearing for a moment, he returned with two pillows tucked under one arm, and another, azure blanket. All three items were thrown in his direction. He lazily caught the pillows, but let the blanket cover his head. Hearing the closet door close, he finally pulled it off his bed, turning slightly to prop up the pillows. Lap covered in blue, he raised a brow as Marco climbed back onto his bed.

"Thanks." He said coolly, laying down and proceeding to sprawl out beneath the inviting bedspread.

"No problem. If you need another blanket, you'll have to ask." To that, Craig shook his head.

"Too hot."

He rolled over onto his side, listening to the other boy lean over, and turn off the light switch, leaving them both cloaked in shadows. Except for the light coming from his double windows. Listening to him blindly getting settled back into bed, Craig stared at the outline of the bookshelf, with wide eyes. It was so quiet. So peaceful, something that he could get used to, fairly quickly.

"Sleep well, Craig." Marco said with a yawn in his voice.

"Night."

A few minutes later, he managed to fall into a dreamless, restless slumber.

----

Morning came all too routine at the Del Rossi house. They all seemed to rise the moment the sun rose. At least, Carlotta Del Rossi, the first lady of the house, who insisted on bathing the home with the smell of home cooked breakfast. The dribbling of an early morning basketball in the backyard, made by the second child, and youngest son, Carlos Del Rossi. Man of the house, off to work some time early before. Marco had escaped his room just after seven o'clock in the morning, (while Craig insisted on sleeping away the morning like a log) to break the news to his mother, who was wiping her hands on her apron. 

"Non un problema!" She said cheerfully, after the explanation, removing another plate from the opened cabinet, dark olive-green eyes glittering with contentment. His mom was always a morning person. "He's a very nice boy. I'll set an extra plate." 

Concetta Del Rossi, the smallest, and youngest child of three, was already in the kitchen, the six year old swinging her feet lazily, her mother's eyes staring with wide-eyed awe at her older brother. "Craig is here?"

They had met him just once, but were charmed at the young teenager, who appeared as level-headed, and proper. Respectful, and polite. Which were key characteristics to earn brownie points with the members of the Del Rossi's. 

Marco turned to eye his little sister. "Yes, he's up in my room. Still asleep."

The girl brushed the dark hair from her face, sliding out of her chair. She quickly adjusted her overalls, looking from her mother to her brother. "I like him. I think he's cute." She said, with a faint, childish flush brushing over the bridge of her nose, into her cheeks. That made the older boy look down at his feet.

"I'm going to go wake him up!" Concetta announced happily.

She turned, and went scampering out of the kitchen, towards the stairwell. The form of her brother, closely in step behind her.

" 'Cetta! Nonlo svegli in su!" 

Her response was a giggle fit, heading up to the second landing of the house. Bursting through the closed door of her brother's room, she dove right for the form of the slumbering boy, who jolted awake with a faint gasp of surprise. Hazel-green eyes meeting a pair of excited, olive-green ones.

  
"Oh, hello Concetta." Craig announced sleepily, spying Marco standing in the doorway, looking slightly embarrassed, with a hand pressed against his forehead.

"Craaaaaaaaig. Can you play with me before breakfast?" She pleaded, with her hands pressed against his front. Looking amused, the still sleepy boy sat up, hoisting the small girl up into his arms as he rose up on the bed, and jumped right off it. Earning a squeal of delight from the youthful child, and a groan from Marco. ("_You're going to break the mattress_!", "_Silence, Knight of Cleanliness_!")

"Alright, kiddo. Just allow me to change, and I'll be downstairs." He said calmly, putting her back down on her feet. Rubbing his eyes, and stretching his arms above his head, he watched the girl nod -- and race back out of the room.

The eldest Del Rossi child looked sheepish. "Sorry about that."

"No big deal, I enjoy children. She reminds me of Angie." He retorted, bending over to retrieve his bag.

Marco smiled. "Breakfast should be ready in a half hour. Don't worry about my mom. She seemed thrilled at the idea, regardless of the hour."

He smiled. "Good. I was worried about that."

Heading in the direction of the bathroom, Craig smiled. 

It was nice to be in a house so comforting. 


	7. his careless whisper

****

Electron + Proton = Attraction

Author: degrassi

****

Type: Slash. M/M.

****

Pairing: Marco Del Rossi/Craig Manning.

****

Rating: PG-13.

****

Genre: Angst/Romance/Drama.  
**Characters**: Are in tenth grade. Emma & Co. a year behind. 

****

Chapter: Quick rewind back to the present. This is told from Craig's POV, again. Like in the prologue. Enjoy.

VI. His careless whisper.

I was feeling kind of seasick towards the middle half of the day. My book bag felt like it weighed more, all because of the words I had wrote in the back of my Chemistry notebook. I felt like somebody had been tangoing with my stomach. For it was back flipping repeatedly. So much that I skipped out on lunch. I knew I was hungry, but I felt like I wasn't a shoe in for keeping anything down. I was half disgusted with myself for having such confusing feelings towards somebody of my own gender. Especially a friend. ESPECIALLY such a rule-obeying perfectionist.

"Craig!"

Due to everyone at lunch, the hallways were less crowded. I had decided to put some of the books I was still carrying from my morning classes, away in my locker. To make it feel less heavy. Due to the vacancy of the halls, I heard his voice echo through me like a knife through butter. I pretended not to hear him. I just kept walking, my steps increasing slightly. My head was bowed, I pre-occupied myself with fiddling with the flash button on my camera.

"Craig!" 

Still, the voice prodded, and I heard his footsteps draw nearer. I stopped then, not wanting to appear awkward. I turned around, facing the shorter teenage boy as he came stopping in front of me. For once I didn't feel tall. I felt extremely small. Like I was actually look way, way up at him.

"Marco." I retorted towards the other boy casually. "Hey, what's up?"

He adjusted the sleeves of his shirt, and shrugged a shoulder. "I didn't see you at lunch. I wanted to know how everything is at home. Oh, and Concetta has been asking to play with Angela again, sometime soon."

I raised a brow. His voice of concern only made that my heart pulse quicker, so quick that I figured it was louder then my breathing. "Chaotic, as usual. Joey promised he was never going to raise his voice again. So that's cool with me." I awkwardly looked at something over his head. "Oh… well, I'm babysitting Angela tonight. Joey's working really late again today. If you want, I could bring her over, to spend some time with Concetta."

I didn't notice him smile. I was just too busy trying to figure out what he was doing to me. My palms felt a bit sweaty, and I could tell that I was paling. He shoulders ached, as did my back. Maybe it wasn't all due to him. Maybe it was the chaos of the week. Having to cook, clean up, baby sit, and study for numerous tests and quizzes were beginning to take their toll on me. Yet I've dealt with doing all of this, before. What changed it? The stress that HE brought on.

"That'd be cool. Hey, Craig, listen. Do you think I could talk to you for a second?"

Uh oh. Ever since I was a little kid, I've always been afraid of those words. 'Can I talk to you?'. Nothing good has ever come out of those words. Maybe he found me out? Maybe he was going to tell me never to speak to him again? Marco was more sensible then that. At least I hope so. I leaned up against one of the lockers, with my arms crossed over my chest. Digging my heel into the ground, I nodded.

"What about?" I stated coolly, trying to look placid.

"Remember when I told you, that you could be honest with me if you're having any problems?" 

I didn't like where this was going. "Yeah. You said something like that, when I first showed up at your doorstep, too." I grinned, suddenly comical. Anything but awkwardness would do just perfect.

Yet my grin faded instantly, with the seriousness etched into the shorter teenager's features. "There's something I need to tell you, since you are one of my good friends and all."

I tilted my head, and quirked an eyebrow, feeling a bit light on my heels.

"What's up?"

He took a step forward, and awkwardly shifted his stare from left to right, then back at me. My image of him slightly blurring, and my emotions feeling like they were about to boil over. Like hot water that had been left too long.

"I want you to be comfortable around me, right? I mean, if you're going to be hanging around my house a lot more. Now that our sisters have play dates. And now that we're becoming … Better friends--"

Becoming frustrated, I inhaled deeply. "Man, what's up?"

"--I'm gay, Craig."

That was all it took for my mind, like a retiring lifeline, to die. All I remember is my head hitting the tile floor, and my world launched into a new series of confusion, and darkness.


	8. no, i'm not okay

****

Electron + Proton = Attraction

Author: degrassi

****

Type: Slash. M/M.

****

Pairing: Marco Del Rossi/Craig Manning.

****

Rating: PG-13.

****

Genre: Angst/Romance/Drama.  
**Characters**: Are in tenth grade. Emma & Co. a year behind. 

****

Chapter: I decided to do two present chapters. Because I felt like it, and I was feeling a bit angst after watching Careless Whisper & Tears Are Not Enough… again. More of the past is unfolded in a dream. 

****

VII. No, I'm not okay.

"Craig…."

"Craig?"

Hazy eyes slipped open, spent with a cold slumber, and a vivid dream that still lay fresh in his mind (Something concerning a certain boy?). The back of his head gave a painful throb, as the image of fifteen year old Marco came into focus, as well as several posters on health care and hygiene.

"Where…am I?" He slurred groggily.

"The nurse's office. She's gone to call your step-father right now." Even in his half awake state, Craig could feel his hand, just inches away from his side. It made the chilliest of shivers to run down the back of his neck. What was WRONG with him? This was getting a little too strange, in his opinion.

"Why? What happened?" Craig asked, beginning to slowly sit up, onto her elbows. 

"You passed out on the third floor." Marco said with a frown.

"What? The last thing I remember is you saying that you…." 

He paused, and Marco looked at him intently. Craig didn't say anything. He couldn't. He didn't think of him any less of a friend. Since that was his choice of a lifestyle, yet somehow, Craig couldn't help but think this would make things a little bit easier. If he ever expressed his own confusion to Marco, he at least knew the boy wouldn't be disgusted with him. It was sort of a stereotype, but at this stage, Craig didn't have a choice. 

He forced himself to smile. "Hey, you know what? No awkwardness here." He reached over to give him a firm pat to the shoulder. 

Marco still looked a bit unsure, and perked his brows at the pat. 

"I mean, nothing is going to change between us, you know. I'll always be your friend."

The door rattled on its hinges, causing an elderly woman to curse at the cheap door. Craig's eyes widened a bit, and he was faced with the short, Martha Cross, the gray-haired nurse of Degrassi. Following behind her, was a concerned looking Joey Jeremiah, sunglasses resting on his forehead, and car keys in his left hand.

"Come now. Craig. You're going home. That was a nasty spill you took. At least that's what I hear." Wise blue eyes glittered knowingly behind her oval-rimmed glasses. Teenagers were always faking injuries and sickness, just to skip out on classes. Yet Craig looked a whiter shade of pale, so there was no doubt in the nurse's mind that he was under the weather. The reason why Joey was standing right there.

"Thank you for bringing him in, Mister Del Rossi. You may return to class."

The dark haired boy gave a prompt nod, side-glancing at Craig, whose stomach back-flipped once again as soon as he stood up. Marco slid past Joey, and out of the nurse's office. 

"Craig? Are you alright? Let's go, buddy, I signed you out."

He didn't say anything, just looked down at the ground, wondering where on earth his camera had gone. He groped around his neck, finding his strap almost missing. Oddly, he didn't feel like asking. He was much too out of it.

"Joey?" Craig asked, once they were alone, out in the empty three floor hallway.

"Yeah?"

"I need to talk to you about something when we get home."

"Is everything alright, Craig?" The adult's concern increased.

"No. Everything is not alright." He grabbed the railing to the staircase, starting down it, ahead of his step-father. He said nothing else until they reached the ground floor, in front of the main office. "I think I have a crush on somebody."

Joey's expression wavered, and a small smirk crossed his lips. "That's nothing to worry about! You shouldn't be--"

Craig cut him off with a wave of his hand. "No. Not. It's not normal. It's … not even supposed to exist." He creased his brows, pushing his way through the glass front doors of the school. 

"What do you mean?" That classic smirk faded with his step-son's words.

The teenager shook his head. "No, I mean. I'm feeling something for somebody I'm not supposed to. It's just not correct. At least, I don't think so. It's not the type of thing that'll sit well with the public." He winced at the sudden burst of sunlight that poked out from behind a gray cloud. 

He wanted to tell Joey everything. How his dreams were no longer filled with the images of curvy females. How his interest in short skirts had greatly wavered over the past few days. How their voices were suddenly annoying. How girls that would usually make him smile, were just giving him a headache. 

"Craig, you shouldn't let a female cause you such angst." That smirk was beginning to re-surface, slowly of course. The taller teen wondered how anyone could be so blind. He briefly looked to his left as they crossed at the intersection between Degrassi street. He sauntered over onto the sidewalk to climb into the car once Joey turned off the alarm. He slid in, and instantly buckled his seatbelt. He crossed his arms over his chest, looking down at his lap. 

He was unaware that his step-father was eyeing him oddly. "…Right?"

Craig turned his head, raising his eyes. "Joey. It's not a girl."

The adult nearly dropped his keys on the seat.

The boy simply shook his head. "I don't know where to start."


	9. Face it, you’re changing

****

Electron + Proton = Attraction

Author: degrassi

****

Type: Slash. M/M.

****

Pairing: Marco Del Rossi/Craig Manning.

****

Rating: PG-13.

****

Genre: Angst/Romance/Drama.  
**Characters**: Are in tenth grade. Emma & Co. a year behind. 

****

Chapter: This is just a phase, right? I think so. Okay maybe it's not.

****

VIII. Face it, you're changing

The silence during the car ride back home was a bit unsettling. (At least, to Craig's stomach). Joey and him usually didn't have silences like this. Unless he was in trouble, then there would be silence, and a bit of the glaring. Yet his step-father insisted on watching the road, with his shades down, concealing his eyes. From what Craig could see, he didn't look angry. Just a little confused. Craig knew that Joey wasn't expecting to get such a statement dumped on his shoulders. It might have seemed to be little, but in the duo's mind it was quite a large thing.

A straight male never told his step-father that he had a crush on another teenage boy. Craig, fighting an internal battle against this, was crumbling slowly. That was the reason he had said something to Joey in the first place. Who else did he have to talk to about such a sensitive issue?

The car came to a halt in front of the Jeremiah household, and Joey paused before he took his keys out of the ignition. Twirling them around his finger, he turned to eye Craig, who seemed to be frozen in his seat. 

  
"Come on. We'll talk more inside."

The teenager nodded almost sheepishly, pushing the door to the car open, and rising to his feet. Stretching his arms over his head, one fell behind his neck. Watching Joey cross from the street back onto the sidewalk, he followed him up the small walkway and up to the front door. Another realization dawned in Craig's mind. Where was his backpack? He didn't see his step-father pull it out of the car. The worry within him, was fleeting, of course. Like he had been about his treasured possession, his camera. Craig knew that there must've been something very wrong going on with him.

Hearing the door unlock, he briskly followed inside the house, instantly wandering into the small living room. He tossed himself comfortably on the plush couch, hugging a small, scarlet, pillow that had been on the armrest. Absentmindedly, he listened to the door shut quietly, then the sound of footsteps. Joey stood looking down at him with both brows arched.

"Now, can you kindly repeat what you just said to me in the car?" Not angry, just stunned.

Craig sat up, keeping the pillow in his lap. "I told you. I'm not supposed to feel this way, right? Joey, I'm supposed to be straight. A straight person isn't supposed to develop some sort of weird crush on somebody of the same gender."

Joey waved a hand, signaling him to stop talking. He moved away from the back of the couch, retorting to standing in front of him. "Whoa, whoa. Craig, calm down. Have you ever thought of this as some sort of phase? Maybe you're just curious. It's not unnatural."

The teenager raised a brow. "Phase? A phase wouldn't cause my mind to obsess over the fact. What do you mean it's not unnatural?"

"You're a teenager. Face it, you're changing. You're going to start exploring more and more. I've seen the way you are around the girls. Trust me. You take after me. It's probably just a phase you're going through."

Craig slowly rose to his feet. "You're probably right. I shouldn't worry, right? It's normal to be a little curious… I guess." A short laugh escaped his lips, Joey nodded, smiling calmly. 

"Why don't you head upstairs and take a nap. You've had a hard day. It's only half past noon. The idea of sleeping while everyone else is in math class sounds appealing to me." This caused Craig to grin, and nod.

The boy tossed the pillow back on the couch, and departed from the living room, heading for the staircase. Joey watched his step-son with a curious stare. A sigh escaped from the adult. He honestly didn't know what to think about this whole thing. It could certainly be a phase, or it could be a full blown crush.

He needed to drown the issue with a bowl of ice cream, same way Craig wanted to turn off his mind by sleeping.

---------------

It was about three o'clock in the afternoon when the sun finally reached its peak, piercing through the blinds of the bedroom, shining directly into the veiled eyes of Craig Manning, who had been napping since a little after noon. He turned uncomfortably, trying to escape the sun, but finally gave up. There was also a faint pounding in his head that wasn't going to leave him alone. 

Untangling himself from his bed sheets, he scrambled onto his feet, only to have his left foot get entangled in his bedspread. He tripped himself, toppling to the carpet with a small thud. 

"Ow. Major rug burn.." He whispered feebly, sitting up to briefly rub at his exposed knee. The pounding begun to get louder, now that he was awake, and more alert. Jumping back onto his feet, he rubbed the remaining sleep from his eyes.

Opening up his bedroom door, and poking his head into the hallway, he looked towards the stairwell, hearing the pounding a bit more clearly.

"Joey?" He called, but got no reply.

__

Am I loosing my mind? Craig thought bitterly.

He begun down the staircase, only to see a shadow lurking behind his front door. A short shadow, and now he knew that the so called 'pounding' had been light knocking. Perking up, and heading towards the front door, Craig flicked the hair out of his groggy eyes. 

Unlocking the top lock, he opened the door, leaning against the frame, looking a bit bored. Yet the figure standing there was the current subject of his thoughts. Craig swallowed thickly, straightening up instantly. 

Indeed, there in his doorway, stood Marco Del Rossi. In his left hand, was Craig's camera. In his right, was the boy's backpack.

"The nurse made me put these in my locker, to hold for you. I figured you'd want them back right away. So I came by after school to see how you were feeling, and to return them." 

Craig stood, staring openly at the dark haired boy, before he nodded repeatedly, reaching out to take his camera by the yellow shoulder strap, as well as his backpack. "Yeah… yeah. Thanks. That's great. Listen, I don't think Joey's home. So… you want to come in for a little while?"

His companion smiled, tilting his head to the side. "Sure." he briefly eyed the taller boy, taking note of the boxer shorts he was clad in, as well as his red knees. Craig seemed to notice this, for he looked down at himself quickly.

"Oh, oh…" He said, his cheeks flushing a rose color. "You can make yourself at home in the living room. Let me go get changed. I was taking a nap." He begun to back up, before he turned and made his way up the staircase with his things. 

Marco slid his hands into his pockets, plopping down on the couch as he listened to a door on the second floor slam shut. Looking around awkwardly for a few moments, he heard that same door re-open, and a pair of rushed footsteps trample their way down the staircase.

Craig re-appeared in the living room, still looking a bit flustered. In a black t-shirt, and a pair of baggy, faded blue jeans. "Sorry about that." He said a bit briskly. 

The other boy stared at him in amusement. "No problem."

There was an odd silence. Craig was getting tired of these silences. The taller teenager disappeared briefly into the kitchen, to grab two cans of Pepsi from the fridge, noticing a note that had been left for him. 

__

Craig --

Went to Angela's after school workshop. 

Be back at six. 

Pizza money on the counter.

-- Joey.

He smiled, sauntering back into the living room, tossing the shorter boy a can of Pepsi. "Joey's staying late at Angela's school." He said, trying to sound bored.

"Ah. I see. So how are you feeling?" Marco said, sipping at his soda.

Craig bit his lip. "To tell you the truth, I could be better."

"Oh? How so?"

"…My head hurts."

Marco begun to rise. "Maybe I should let you go rest."

Craig quickly placed a hand out, waving in protest. "No, no… Marco… I want to ask you something."

"Craig. What's wrong?"

"--How did you first know… that you were attracted to…?"


	10. more secrets and lies

****

Electron + Proton = Attraction

Author: degrassi

****

Type: Slash. M/M.

****

Pairing: Marco Del Rossi/Craig Manning.

****

Rating: PG-13.

****

Genre: Angst/Romance/Drama.  
**Characters**: Are in tenth grade. Emma & Co. a year behind. 

****

Chapter: Good God, has it been a long time. **Has anyone else been watching the beginning of season 3**? Well it gave me some interesting new ideas for this fanfic, since I'm going to obviously piece everything in. Major twists to follow. Enjoy, guys. Oh and P.S.: **Joey and Caitlin forever. HEH**.

****

IX. More Secrets and Lies

The dark haired boy grimaced in his perplexity, under the watchful dark eyes of his lengthy haired friend. How could he tell him that he might be attracted to him? Marco del Rossi. His fellow band member. The one he always was joking around with. The mind of a teenager could be a very dangerous thing. Another realization of his made Craig internally wince.

What about….

****

Ashley.

"Attracted to…."

****

Ashley.

"Attracted to playing the guitar?" He finished off coolly, managing to smile slyly.

Marco gave him an eccentric stare, seeming taken back by the poorly formed question, shaking his bangs out of his eyes, he gave a wile laugh. Hands against his hips, he shrugged his shoulders. "I know how to play the piano, as well. Since my mother is a teacher. I grew up with that first hand. But my brother, Carlos, started to get into the guitar. I found it to be pretty cool. I wanted to try it too. I managed to convince my parents, but mom was a bit disappointed."

Truth being, the answer to his fake question didn't interest Craig at all. _Just talk to him. He could probably help you out. _He mentally scolded himself, running a hand through his hair. He didn't want Marco to misinterpret his words, either. He didn't want the boy to feel like Craig was insulting him. 

"Hey, but it's awesome that you chose to do your own thing. Which reminds me. Do you want to call a rehearsal tonight?" He asked, making a motion towards the back of the house.

"You sure you're up to that?" Marco retorted, brows creasing in visible concern.

"Yeah, I could use it. I've always been working on some lyrics."

A smile lit Marco's face, and he nodded. "Sounds great, man. You going to invite Ash' to sit in?"

Craig swallowed a sigh. "Yep. She usually does call in to see if we're rehearsing, anyway." 

"Great. So listen, I need to get going." Marco politely picked up his half empty soda can from the coffee table, briefly disappearing into the kitchen, to throw it out. 

__

What am I going to do? I can't do this to Ashley. I can't tell her this. She's…. she's everything. If I tell her I might be interested in a boy, it would break her. I still feel terrible for keeping this from her. After all, I've sorta came to terms with the fact that I like him. 

That sounds so strange.

I love Ashley, right? No. I don't. Well, I love her as a friend. In.. ways that are not romantic. 

"Later Marco." Craig stated blindly, his thoughts briefly fading from his mind. "Oh, call Jimmy and Spin. Tell 'em to try and get here at six." The Italian boy nodded from the doorway, half-waving before he stepped out of the front door.

As soon as he heard the door shut, Craig collapsed on the couch, and let the heavy sigh out through his mouth that had been bottling up. 

"This really sucks," he begun aloud. "What am I supposed to do? I'm lying to both of them. If I keep up this game with Ashley, she'll think that I'm using her. God. Maybe it'll just all go away. Like stupid crushes do." He raised his arms above his head, shaking out his hands, and cracking his knuckles. 

__

What if it doesn't. You've been feeling something ever since that night… he took you in…

He cleared his throat, hoisting himself up from the living room couch. Turning on heel, he headed back up to the second floor, towards his bedroom. His main intent, being to call Ashley, to ask her to come by at around seven. After they had at least an hour to warm up.

Staring with vacant eyes at the phone resting on his nightstand, he reached over for it, hesitated for a moment, before deciding against calling right now. Instead, he settled down at his desk, placed a pencil between his teeth, and turned on his radio. He was going to try and write the rest of his lyrics for at least an hour. 

He needed to stop thinking about Marco. And Ashley. 

All together. 

For one hour.

****

[It's like a bad movie   
She is lookin' through me   
If you were me, then you'd be   
Screamin' "Someone shoot me!"   
As I fail miserably,   
Tryin' to get the girl all the bad guys want.  
She's the girl all the bad guys want!]


	11. 11 Confusion VS Despair

****

Electron Proton = Attraction

Author: degrassi

****

Type: Slash. M/M.

****

Pairing: Marco Del Rossi/Craig Manning.

****

Rating: PG-13.

****

Genre: Angst/Romance/Drama.

**Characters**: Are in tenth grade. Emma & Co. a year behind.****

Notes Oh man, has it been a while. I want to thank everyone for demanding more, and for reviewing my story in general. I promise, PROMISE you all I will be continuing this. It's just that I've been REALLY busy, and stuck on certain ideas. A special thanks to **orange flames**. One of my noble reviewers. I loved your ideas, and I think I'm going to explore the latter.

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Chapter: I decided I would not be slow anymore. I'm going to perform a time jump in this chapter. Mainly to make up for my absence. Here's what has happened thus far: Craig is beginning to come to terms with his confused feelings for his friend, Marco Del Rossi. There's a problem though. Several problems. 1.) His friends. 2.) Joey. 3.) Ashley. And 4.) Marco himself. Marco hasn't a clue. He merely thinks of Craig as another straight friend of his. One that wouldn't understand. Marco has been there for Craig at one of his roughest times… now, as time goes on… and after his crumbling relationship with Ashley, and his steamy, but devastating. His journal entries intensify, and his feelings heat up. But Craig's whole world is about to be thrown upside down when he's faced with a whole array of brand new problems, that only makes the mounting confusion… worse. I call this my "catching up" chapter.

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Subplots: Flashbacks of past events, and more of Craig's past.

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Confusion VS. Despair

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It contained a lot.

Song lyrics, and teen angst…

It was his life.

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The journal had been laying there, patiently waiting for its master to peel back its plain gray cover, and to brush past off-white papers, stained with memories. Yet, no new entry had came in a week. Craig usually sat with the pen in his hand, tapping his fingers anxiously against its outer surface, prodding his mind to open up.. so he could breathe new life into words. However, he hadn't found the energy to. Keeping a journal became a habit over the past few months. It gave him a place to vent. To express things inaudible to human ears... things that you could read over, and heave a sigh of relief. Taking time out of the busy school day, as figures passed in blurs of colours amid the hallways, Craig sit down against the front of his locker.. And cradled a gel-pen in his hand.

It had been so long. So long.

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I don't like it.

There are so many things I do not like. Like seeing him smile… look timid, and sigh in sheer bliss when he sees **his **face. Then again, I believe I missed my chance… once and for all. After dealing with Ashley, and then with Manny, I figure my chances of ever establishing a stable relationship are pretty much non-existent. Then again, with another boy? I'm aware that there's this flame inside of me… like a heated chemical after being engulfed in flames from a Bunsen burner… and it grows hotter, and hotter every time I see him. I can't ignore it, as I wished I could with all the time that had passed.

But my awkwardness is only increasing, and I've begin to grow distant. My overall performance is lackluster, and Joey is beginning to worry. (Plus he's happy.. Happy.. Happy… with Caitlin … happier then I've ever seen him be.) I don't want to spoil things. But I can't tell him.. Could I? What makes me feel so helpless is I have nobody to turn to… not one person. Nobody would understand, and I risk ruining my reputation in this school.

I wonder if this is how he felt. Marco, I mean. When he himself had been struggling. How did he take that final step?

Now that he has… he has his eyes on his future, and there's nothing I can do about it. His future is a dazzling smile, sunny hair, and bright azure eyes. Me? Just a confused, troubled adolescent, who is slowly beginning to push himself back into the shadow in the corner… it's my persona... and it's easier to run away from most things, than to face them.

I admit, I am still afraid…

and immature---

His fingers tensed, and he had to abruptly stop writing.

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What am I doing.

Craig thought grimly, face distorting into discontentment as he wondered where exactly he was, all of these months later. Ashley still did side-glance at him from time-to-time, but she merely focused onward giving off an aura of disappointment, hurt, and independence. He knew that it was rough for her, but she was slowly moving on. Her demeanour expressed it. As for Manny, there were times where dark eyes would meet his own, and she would purposely sway her hips as she walked by, to possibly gain a reaction from him. Though, to the dark-haired girl's displeasure, he never did give her one. She'd usually smirk a little, turn in disgust and float away brushing her hair over her shoulder as she did so.

He was beginning to think, that the reason why he couldn't manage a stable relationship, was because he wasn't meant to with the opposite sex. The thought caused him to cringe, and he eagerly begun to flip through his notebook.. Scrambling through the sloppy journal entries and proceeding to circle, underline and highlight every thought and every hidden puzzle piece that was linked to this one thought. Slamming it shut once more, he rose to his feet.

Heading down the bustling hallway, which had cleared exceedingly with the growth of the lunch hour, he reached out.. And pushed his way through double doors, pausing at a small familiar fit of laughter. He looked towards his left.

And was subconsciously horrified at what he saw.

The Italian was leaning up against the front of a locker, with his arms crossed over his chest, dark eyes shimmering with contentment and secret adoration. Parallel to him, a curly-topped blonde, who had a hand on his hip. He was smiling, and whispering something, which triggered a new burst of laughter from the other boy.

Craig couldn't help but stare.

Which did attract Marco's rich eyes for a brief moment. His optimistic laughter faded into one of concern, and he canted his head in perplexity, arching an eyebrow in his friend's direction.

"Yo!" He called, uncrossing an arm and waving it. "Craig, what's up?"

Dylan promptly turned around once Marco's attention was distracted, and soon both pairs of eyes were fixated on the adolescent. Craig merely forced himself to grin lightly, lips aching as they did so.

"Nothing." He said casually, freeing a hand to wave in the pair's direction. "I'm going to head down to the cafeteria." Craig begun to back up. "I'll see you guys later on."

Without relying on a proper reply, he turned on heel… and headed off with his head bowed, leaving the duo a little baffled.

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He quickened his pace, turning sharply down narrow corners, and plummeting into thought once more. The words newly written in his notebook burnt his palms… and caused the skin to dampen with perspiration.

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Whenever I see them together…

It was always the same, hollow feeling. Something that he couldn't quite analyze.

Suddenly, as he dashed down the hallway of the third floor, the doors quickly opened, and the taller brunette collided directly into a person that was emerging from the cafeteria. The books in the boy's arms tumbled to both of their feet, chemistry books laying open on their spines, difficult math equations staring back up at him.

"Dude, where's the fire, hot-shot?" Came an amused retort from the figure he had bumped into.

Craig looked up into the chuckling face of Spinner Mason, who was shaking his head, with his hands against his sides.

"Sorry man." He bent down, and begun to gather up his discarded books once more. _I can't understand why he would laugh like that. He sounded so… thrilled. I had made him laugh before, but never like that._

In his frenzy, only his chemistry notebook and textbook had survived the impact, the secret notebook still lay at Spinner's feet once Craig stood up.

"Gotta go."

The brunette took off on his wild ambush once again, halls and corners whispering words of relief. Spinner gawked at him but merely shook his head. Gazing down at his feet, to the fallen notebook, the blonde bent down and picked it up.

"What an idiot. Leaving his stuff behind." Examining the cover curiously, he lazily shrugged.. And slipped it into his backpack, planning on returning it to Craig later on.

If he remembered, that is.


End file.
